Crying yourself to sleep is the pits!!!!

I can literally count on one hand how many times in my entire life I have cried myself to sleep out of extreme sadness but last night was one of those nights!! I’m not an extremely sentimental person and I’m also not too emotional. I do cry and I am human but it’s not a regular occurrence. I’m often teased by my husband when I do cry that I really do have emotions. Maybe it’s from being raised with brothers or a neighborhood full of boys but especially since I’ve been older, I’m more the “suck it up and deal with it ” kind of person. This may or may not have resulted in a few counseling sessions…… but last night it was one of those nights!

Yesterday was a regular day…. I had an engagement session, came home and spent time with my family, put the boys to bed, and watched a movie with Chris…. nothing out of the ordinary at all!! Let me preface it all to say, most of you guys reading know I lost my father 4 years ago. He had an intense non operable battle with cancer and to say the least, he suffered for 18 months.  Before he passed I found my mom’s old wedding band and I asked her if I could have it. To me, that wedding band was such a significant statement. See, when my father was younger he worked in the machine shop of the shipyard and he melted a coin (I believe a nickel) and made my mom’s wedding band. To him, it wasn’t much and he swore he would buy her a better one, a gold one, one day that they both could be proud of. Well if you know my mom, I’m sure she chuckled at that.. she’s never needed anything fancy or extravagant to make her happy (I guess that’s where I get it). But just as he promised, as they grew in time and job security he purchased that gold band for my mom. And although she was just as happy with her other band, she retired the first one and wore the new one with pride. I was always way more impressed with that first band….. that band was made with skill and craftsmanship by my dad’s hands. That band was solid, just like my parents marriage!! Now by solid, I don’t mean perfect!! My dad was always a provider but he wasn’t perfect. But no matter how bad times got or how many times I as a child thought maybe they should just split and make everyone happy, they stuck it out!! To the last breathe my dad breathed, they stuck it out! They taught me what it meant to love in the good times and the bad times, and to love in sickness and health, they taught me the real meaning of marriage!! So to me that ring was better than any gold or even diamond ring.. it was the best ring ever created!!  And when I asked if I could have it, without blinking my mom said yes and I’ve worn that ring since… here and there I take it off but to me I would easily say it’s one of my most prized possessions. Well yesterday, as I was leaving for my shoot I realized that I didn’t have on my wedding band. I knew exactly where it was, it was in the bottom of my TKD bag because I never wear jewelry while I’m in class. So instead of running in, I grabbed the old wedding band of my dad’s that was in my cup holder and put it on. The thing about this ring is it only fits the ring finger on my right hand properly, if I put it on my left hand it’s slightly too big, which has never been a problem since that’s where I wear my wedding or anniversary band. But as I was pulling out I thought, that may look weird that I don’t have my wedding ring on but I’m wearing another ring. To be honest, I’m sure most people wouldn’t have even noticed but with a slight hesitation I pulled my mom’s old band off and put it on my left hand. Immediately I felt it slip and I thought maybe I should switch it back but I reasoned I would be careful and be conscious of it. Well if you’ve ever seen me shoot I go into another world so I should have know better. I did my shoot, came home, spent time with the family, watched a movie, locked up the house, started down the hall, and suddenly I glanced at my hand…. my heart stopped and I gasped! It was gone… the ring my father made, that meant the world to me was gone!! Immediately, I grabbed a flash light, ran down the driveway, looked in the grass, tore through my car and gear but it was no where to be found. As I walked into the bedroom tears flooded uncontrollable!! I coudln’t believe I had not listened to that check on my heart, I couldn’t believe I had lost the one thing that meant the world to me. I cried and cried, Chris held me as I cried and told me to ask God to show me where the ring was. But I was so heartbroken and sad, all I could do was cry!!  I know Chris was praying and believing for it to come back to me but I just couldn’t see how. So on I cried literally feeling like my world had crumbled!! I know some say think, it’s just a ring but to me it was SOOOO much more!!! As I fell asleep with tears streaming, I  assured myself the next day I would retrace my steps and believe somehow I would find it. I knew it was a long shot but I had to try.

Fast forward to this morning, I felt Chris geet up and not long after he got up I felt him lay across the bed and heard him say.. “hey” I opened my eyes and there he was holding the ring in front of my face. I shot straight up and snatched it from his hands, all the while almost screaming.. “where did you find it?!?” he said calmly with a smile, “I asked God and he took me right to it!” I immediately shoved it back on my finger and realized it really hadn’t been lost forever. Estatic and overcome with joy to have it back I didn’t question again where he had found it until this evening. So when I asked him again, he told me he found it on top of our dog food in our laundry room….. the crazy part is I NEVER went in there yesterday after coming home. I know some of you probably think I’m crazy and I’m just being forgetful but I know I didn’t! Regardless of what happened or how it got there, I know I NEVER want to experience that kind of sadness again and I’m beyond grateful for a husband that understood how deeply sad I was and also that took the time to not just ask God for his help but took the time to listen too!!

  1. Mom says:

    As a mom I knew how much it meant to you..when you told me earlier you had lost it, before you could tell me the rest of the story my heart sunk for you…actually it wasn’t the first set he gave me, the first one I wore so long the band almost wore into..that is the set with the diamonds in in..he made this because he knew I wanted a wide band, one that wouldn’t wear he made that & soon after is when he purchased the wide gold band..he also tried to buy a diamond at the same time & I wouldn’t let him, because to me it was a waste of money..a ring doesn’t make you married..your heart & thoughts makes you married & keeps you that either make it work or is a status symbol not love..only my glad you have it because I know what it means to you..:)

  2. Morgan says:

    *sniffle* I’m so glad that you found it :).


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